next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The struggles of a small town man whore
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
