He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
