Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
