3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
