You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
