I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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