Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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