I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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