they need to just BURY HIM!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize