Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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