Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
