...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
