felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
