i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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