omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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