Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
