Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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