Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
