He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
