My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
