god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
