Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
either way he was missing a nipple.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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