your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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