How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
