I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
