When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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