From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
