weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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