GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
