I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have aggressive nipples.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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