Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize