yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
