Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
