i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
