hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
