My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
