I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
