I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
