there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
