i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
