Swine flu. Run for my life!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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