I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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