Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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