what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You can't motorboat a personality
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
