i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My cat gives me a boner
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
