WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
