Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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