Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
