Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
