When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
