No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
