so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
