PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
