Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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