Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
