i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I checked into jail on foursquare
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
