I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
