Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
