I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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