i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
