every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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