Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
