Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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