i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
