Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
