but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
