dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hippo gnu deer
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
