I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't think brook has ever known best
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
