If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize