"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do herpes really smell.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
