The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
