i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
