I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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