i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
